This week’s Mother’s Pride blog carnival really got me thinking about what I’m proud of about myself, and I’d like to add one more thing: I’m proud of myself for writing down so many of my thoughts and feelings throughout my life.
As I’ve mentioned (several times…sorry), I’ve been feeling rather nostalgic lately. I’ve been mourning some of the people I’ve lost touch with through the years, some of the wild and crazy times, my long hair and size 2 body….
I’ve been referring to it as suburban mom angst.
I love my family and friends and the life I have now, believe me. But for me, it is possible (and hopefully forgiveable) to also miss some of my “past” life, too.
So the other day, I busted out my box of remaining diaries and poetry notebooks and gave myself one full hour to read some of my thoughts, dated as far back as 1987, when I was 10 years old.
I had a blast. At times, I felt as if I were reading the diaries of someone not me. I cannot believe how much I’ve changed over the years. I’ve changed and changed and then changed some more. Don’t get me wrong, there are still plenty of glimmers of the girl I once was, of the thoughts I once had. For example, in these About Me books I used to love to fill out, I wrote down my likes and dislikes in 1996 and again in 2000. If I had to write those lists again, I know that many of my likes and dislikes would appear on the third list.
Those lists made me laugh out loud. This morning, I shared them on Twitter. No, I prefer not to share them here (Hi, Mom!) but I will share some of the equally funny responses I got on Twitter about my dislikes:
- I’m with 22-year-old [James] on toilet paper, and with 19-year-old [James] on “All My Life.”
- Haha oh I love it! Sounds like you had some major men problems. And body issues :( But the pregnant thing cracked me up!
- I like how you disliked chores AND a dirty house.
- i hate guys up my ass too :P
- Hahahaha! That is a very long list..Hilarious.
- lol! Basically as a teen u didn’t like anyone? Sounds typical. ;)
What else made me laugh out loud were all the pages of my whining and venting about drama with my girlfriends, about how the boys I dated were treating me, about having to do homework, about hangovers.
These days, my diaries are much different. Oh there is still plenty of whining, but most of it is about not being able to pee alone or having to share my makeup with my 2-year-old son or my husband watching too much tv.
Anyway, reading my diaries (and the bad poetry from my adolescence) cured my nostalgia, for the most part, because it helped me realize how I’ve romanticized the past as I grew more distant from it. Looking back at what I’d written then, it doesn’t seem like something I’d ever want to go back to, really. I had awful taste in dudes back then, and I don’t miss waiting for one to call when he said he would or calling me drunk after midnight! I had some major drama queen friends back then, too. Sure, I miss some of the awesome times I had with those people, but all I need to do is bust out my diaries and do a little reading and I feel like I’m right back there again.
The best part is, I can close the book when I want.
Some of the diary entries, poems, and lists are too funny to not share. So I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a second blog just to showcase them. There, I would post that stuff and also invite YOU to post your own rants & raves from your youth.
Whaddya think? Does that sound like something you’d read and/or contribute to?