I’m not sure whether it’s writer’s block or spring fever (I am out doing ALL THE THINGS) or both, but I haven’t said much here lately. I miss writing in this space, but I’ve also spent a lot of time wondering whether I actually miss it or it’s that I feel I should be spending my time here.

My friends and I have a joke that any time one of us uses that nasty little word “should,” she takes a shot. If they actually held me to this, I’d be drunk most of the day, every day!

In some ways, it’s been a nice break. The time I used to spend blogging has been recently devoted to getting on top of my work, spending time outside, and about a hundred other things. Look! I even created a list, if you’re just that curious!

Instead of blogging, here’s what I’ve been up to:

  • Taking Jax to play dates and birthday parties every weekend, sometimes more than one per weekend. Boy, there are lots of spring babies!
  • Overspending. I think I might have a little problem when it comes to shopping. I’m trying to reign that in and am considering issuing myself a month-long no-spending challenge (except on bills and necessities). If you’re up for the challenge, let’s talk and make it happen!
  • Reading. I’ve always been one to stick my nose in a book as much as I can, but lately I simply NEED to read. I usually spend 15-30 minutes in bed with my Kindle each night. It’s less stimulating than watching Netflix, and my mind doesn’t make to do lists when I’m engrossed in a book.
  • Home improvement projects. So far I’ve repainted all the trim in the living room, plus the basement door and the trim around the back door in the kitchen. I’ve yet to paint the trim in all the other rooms, paint the living room walls, recaulk the bathtub, and various other repairs, although I bought the materials so I’ll be ready the next time the mood strikes!
  • Worrying about what I’m going to write for my upcoming week manning the helm at Postpartum Progress. I’d love to hear your suggestions, if you have any, about what you think moms (and dads) want to hear or need to know about perinatal mood disorders. Or if you had an experience you want to share, let’s talk!
  • Making smoothies.
  • Taking walks. And yes, I’m still doing yoga & still loving it. If you’re local to me and want to meet up for a class, let me know!
  • Hanging out with my new kitten, Gordo. Making sure the dog and the kitty don’t hurt each other.
  • Trying to figure out just how badly I “need” the new patio I got an estimate for (ie, whether it’s worth going into debt for)!
  • Wrapping up my 12-week balance skills/mindfulness class, which was really helpful and inspiring. Again, if you are local to me and interested in the next one this fall, I will gladly hook you up with the info!

That’s about it! I’ll leave you with a pic of Gordo because he’s supercute. If you follow me on Instagram, my apologies for flooding your feed with his face over the past 3 weeks. But come on, how cute is he?!

 

20140414-150352.jpg

Champagne stemsThe holidays race by every year. Halloween to New Year’s Day is an ever-speeding blur. This time next week, decorations will be coming down, presents in their new permanent locations throughout the house. Jax will be asking when Santa’s coming back.

I’ll be working diligently to keep freshly made resolutions in the front of my mind, like I do every year. By March, they might be forgotten, if history is any indication of what to expect. Note to self: Scroll through last year’s posts to try to figure out what my 2013 resolutions were.

We had a wonderful holiday season, with lots of new memories made. My niece, who at 2 months old celebrated her first Christmas, was one of the highlights for my family. Jax in his tie was another; he was so proud to be dressed up, and he totally rocked it. I’m blogging from my new Chromebook, which is a highlight for me. I know already how this will affect my blogging–I will do more of it! It’s been incredibly inconvenient to blog at home for a myriad reasons. First and foremost of which is that our mac is upstairs, far away from the kitchen and most of the toys, making it difficult for me to be both Mom & Blogger if I’m solo parenting. Momming always wins, and the blog takes a hit.

With “Blog more” making the list of 2014 resolutions (as I suspect is the case for some of you as well), let me introduce the rest of my many goals for the year. From my “Positivity¬†Notebook,” I present to you the whole ambitious list:

  • Try yoga again, with an open mind.
  • Attend 12-week balance class. Practice mindfulness.
  • Blog for Postpartum Progress, without fear.
  • [Secret goal redacted. Will confess later, when I am permitted to do so.]
  • Allow myself to be more transparent and vulnerable (in life and here on the blog).

There you have it. It’s going to be an awesome year, with great potential for personal growth. I’m really looking forward to 2014! Except for New Year’s Day, which I find to be the most depressing day of the entire year. But that’s a story for a whole other post…

 

photo by: dps

I’m a very good listener. That’s one of many good traits of mine. But on the flip side, that means I expect to be listened to as well, and maybe that’s not such a good trait. For the most part, I do feel listened to. I just wish I could change what the people important to me are hearing. I don’t think the intended message is coming through. My fault, really. I suspect that what people are hearing from me lately is “blah blah busy, to do list, blah blah stressed, anxious, blah blah negativity.”

At least that’s how they’ve been reacting when I talk. It’s icky. Apparently for all of us.

I don’t ask for help very well–or really at all. My version of asking for help is talking about how crazy-busy and overwhelmed I am. Which isn’t exactly an efficient way to relieve some of my own burdens. What I usually hear in response is “you just need some perspective” or “you need an attutude adjustment” or “relax” and “don’t try to do so much.”

Not particularly helpful.

Anyway, the message is coming through: Some of you think I’m a spaz. Maybe also a difficult person. Negative. Anxious. Full of issues.

If what I say triggers you, have you thought about what that says about you as much as what you think it says about me?

I wish so hard that I could be a person who keeps her feelings locked inside, believe me. It just isn’t me, though. But I’m going to try, because hey at least I have therapy! And my therapist gets paid to listen to me whine, right?!

I’m done using my friends as therapy. I have a blog! Ta-dah!

Kidding aside, this week, I’m taking a vow of “silence”…sorta. The only place I’m going to “vent” is here on the blog, because if you’re here it’s by your own choice. I’m not reaching out to you–you’re passive, I’m passive. If you don’t want to be here, the answer is simple–don’t be. I’ll never know.*

Just please hear this: I’m fine. I’m busy and stressed. This is normal for a working mother with a Type A personality and a 4-year-old who’s experiencing big changes. My September is overfull. Yes, mostly with good things. But still BUSY. And if that makes me a little spazzy, well I’m only human.

Have a great week! :)

 

*Unless I check my stats. In which case, I might know.

I turn 36 years old tomorrow. That means I’m solidly on my way to 40. Wow, 40. I’m trying to make peace with the adages, “You’re only as old as you feel” and “Age is just a number.” I sure don’t feel like how I imagined 36 would feel. I often wonder whether I look 36, despite having been told recently that I look 32 and many times in the past that I look younger than my “real” age.

I find myself getting sucked into the number. That needs to stop.

Instead of overthinking the number itself, I’m choosing to spend part of my birthday tomorrow writing a list of goals for 36. Check back for an update. I can say confidently that one goal will be to blog more frequently (I miss it). Another goal will be to take more walks, maybe jog a bit more. (That one sort of is age related. I’m paranoid about heart disease and obesity and other illnesses that often come with aging.)

I’ll save the rest of the goals for later. You know, for that whole suspense thing I rarely try my hand at.

Really just wanted to write something–anything–on my last day of 35. I tried to (and I think I did) fill this day up with all the things I love best: reading, writing, bubble-bathing, shopping, walking/jogging, enjoying wine, talking with friends, and watching tv. Oh, and NOT working. But that was because I slept maybe 3-4 hours total last night.

Insomnia shoves off after age 35, right? RIGHT??

That would be the best birthday gift I could ever ask for. Sigh.

Good night!

Life is good, but it’s busier than ever. I haven’t had ANY time at all for posting here, which is eating me up inside. I miss oversharing! This is a quick post to tell you I’m still here, still thinking of the blog and of its readers, trying to figure out how to achieve a better work-life balance (aren’t we all?).

A quick recap of what has been on my mind (and my plate) lately:

Shore vacation! We spent a week at the Jersey Shore with my family. It was relaxing and peaceful and exactly what I needed. However, I worked very hard leading up to the vacation to ensure I wouldn’t be swamped with work when I returned–but here I am, up to my neck in articles to edit and proofread, backed up against seemingly impossible deadlines. Sigh. Looking at pictures sort of helps me recall how enjoyable the week was:

Don't I look relaxed? (That's my husband and Jax in the background, flying a kite on the beach.)

Don’t I look relaxed? (That’s my husband and Jax in the background, flying a kite on the beach.)

view

This is the view from one of the balconies at the shore house. Very peaceful.

Postvacation has been a blur of kiddie birthday parties, bringing work home, refinancing the house, spending as much time as possible with my bestie (who visited from Florida), and more. I guess you could call it a typical summer, full of plans and lacking time for things like blogging!

In my very minimal spare time (read: the time I could be using for blogging), I’ve been reading a lot. I read Little Earthquakes just before vacation. I didn’t love it, to be honest. Then I finished The Interestings on vacation. I highly recommend that novel, which I couldn’t put down and is typical of my favorite style. Then I read The Silent Wife, which was just OK. It’s been compared to Gone Girl (but so many have, these days), but I didn’t love it how I loved Gone Girl. It just…lacked something. Now I’m reading Sisterland. So far, so good but we’ll see. Up next might be Sharp Objects, but I’m open to recommendations if you’ve got ‘em!

Also up next? My 36th birthday on the 14th, and Jax turns 4 on the 15th. (As I typed this, “Landslide” randomly came on my iPod and now I want to cry! “Even children get older. I’m getting older, too.” SOB, SOB, SOB.) I’ve been party planning (for him, not me). We’re considering buying Jax his first “big-boy bike” as his big gift. Very exciting! Also exciting is that I just signed him up for soccer in the fall. His two best buddies are playing for the same town, so we’re hoping they manage to be assigned to the same team. Think good thoughts!

I also signed him up for Pre-K at our local elementary school. That was emotional–how is he already old enough for school?! Now we wait to find out whether he gets the morning session or the afternoon session. If he gets the morning session, I’ll be giving up my lunch breaks (which is when I take walks with my friends) to pick him up from school and take him to daycare for the afternoon. It’s going to be rough and it was a tough decision to register him, but it will make the Kindergarten transition easier and will be good for him in many ways. If he is assigned the afternoon session, we will likely opt against Pre-K and keep him full time in daycare, as the commute and after-school care is a big issue for us. So also think good thoughts for the morning session for us! :)

I guess you’re all caught up now on most of the goings-on in my little world. I hope to return to blogging (and reading blogs) regularly very soon!