I’m a very good listener. That’s one of many good traits of mine. But on the flip side, that means I expect to be listened to as well, and maybe that’s not such a good trait. For the most part, I do feel listened to. I just wish I could change what the people important to me are hearing. I don’t think the intended message is coming through. My fault, really. I suspect that what people are hearing from me lately is “blah blah busy, to do list, blah blah stressed, anxious, blah blah negativity.”
At least that’s how they’ve been reacting when I talk. It’s icky. Apparently for all of us.
I don’t ask for help very well–or really at all. My version of asking for help is talking about how crazy-busy and overwhelmed I am. Which isn’t exactly an efficient way to relieve some of my own burdens. What I usually hear in response is “you just need some perspective” or “you need an attutude adjustment” or “relax” and “don’t try to do so much.”
Not particularly helpful.
Anyway, the message is coming through: Some of you think I’m a spaz. Maybe also a difficult person. Negative. Anxious. Full of issues.
If what I say triggers you, have you thought about what that says about you as much as what you think it says about me?
I wish so hard that I could be a person who keeps her feelings locked inside, believe me. It just isn’t me, though. But I’m going to try, because hey at least I have therapy! And my therapist gets paid to listen to me whine, right?!
I’m done using my friends as therapy. I have a blog! Ta-dah!
Kidding aside, this week, I’m taking a vow of “silence”…sorta. The only place I’m going to “vent” is here on the blog, because if you’re here it’s by your own choice. I’m not reaching out to you–you’re passive, I’m passive. If you don’t want to be here, the answer is simple–don’t be. I’ll never know.*
Just please hear this: I’m fine. I’m busy and stressed. This is normal for a working mother with a Type A personality and a 4-year-old who’s experiencing big changes. My September is overfull. Yes, mostly with good things. But still BUSY. And if that makes me a little spazzy, well I’m only human.
Have a great week! :)
*Unless I check my stats. In which case, I might know.