With my husband out of the country for 4 days, I approached the idea of Mother’s Day alone with Jax with mostly excitement about having a lot of time together but also with a little bit of worry about my day potentially going awry due to some toddler tantrum or another. So I kind of split up my Mother’s Day into chunks of time all weekend, beginning on Friday. To kick off Mother’s Day weekend, I left work 2 hours early to give myself a bit of downtime and self-care.

My version of self-care includes wine, journaling, and delicious food (guacamole and black bean chips this time).

My version of self-care includes wine, journaling, and delicious food (guacamole and black bean chips this time).

Saturday, it rained in the morning, so we hung around the house a lot. Eventually, we made it to Target for crafting supplies and snacks, and then we came home and drew, glittered, and stickered handmade Mother’s Day cards for both grandmoms. We ate Oreos.

Glitter + Oreos? Sounds pretty fantastic, right?

Jax selected Disney princess stickers for his grandmoms because "they look like princesses."

Jax selected Disney princess stickers for his grandmoms because “they look like princesses.”

The rest of Saturday, we alternated laying around the house with some outside play. Around 3:30, he finally napped (boy did he need it!) on my lap. I enjoyed the snuggles while I watched something other than Disney Jr on the tv.

It was adorable. I wish he'd nap more often! I got to watch 2 episodes of Arrested Development!

It was adorable. I wish he’d nap more often! I got to watch 2 episodes of Arrested Development!

Jax fell asleep pretty easily Saturday night, and we both slept very well. I believe that’s why Sunday was so fanastic.

Fantastic may not even accurately cover how perfect my day was. I woke up an hour before Jax and sipped my coffee slowly while it was still hot. I caught up on social media and watched a bit of Mad Men (I am SO behind). When he woke up, we went to breakfast with my parents, who treated.

After that, we hung around the house for a few hours. We ended up in sweats, both of us, and cleaning the living room (what kind of a Mother’s Day is this?!). It was actually pretty fun, because in my twisted head, few things make me happier than a clean house. I had planned to take him on a long walk at a park with a long track, and then let him loose on the playground after I got a few miles in, but after we cleaned, he’d started to play by himself, quietly and contentedly, so I opted to not rock the boat. I stayed in my sweats, parked my butt on the floor, and read a magazine and listened to music instead.

My cleaning buddy

My cleaning buddy

Eventually, we got our walk in. First, I hit the Dunkin Donuts drive through for my new favorite drink: the mint chocolate chip iced coffee (milk, no sugar–in case you want to surprise me sometime!). That baby came on our walk with us. We walked for about 30 minutes and then played on the playground for another 30 before returning home. A friend came over, bringing 3 bottles of wine over as a gift for me (so nice!!), and had a glass of wine with me while Jax played on the floor nearby.

These bouncy things are so much fun! But they're very ugly.

These bouncy things are so much fun! But they’re very ugly.

Ok, so maybe I rode one of the bouncy things, too.

Ok, so maybe I rode one of the bouncy things, too.

Jax bestowed me freely with plenty of kisses and hugs all day. He was affectionate, calm, well-rested, and tantrum free all the way until bedtime. At one point, he even curled up on the couch while we listened to music and he rested without a word. This lasted so long I had to check to make sure he hadn’t gotten into the medicine cabinet! I’ve never seen him so calm, quiet, and still (while staying awake) for so long! When I’d look over to see if he’d fallen asleep, he’d flash me a huge grin.

I can count on one finger the number of times he's done this! Ha!

I can count on one finger the number of times he’s done this! Ha!

Around dinnertime, we made a frozen pizza (his favorite thing to do is pick off and eat some of the frozen cheese) because I didn’t feel like cooking. Then a different friend came over, and we had a glass of wine and played in the yard for 2 hours.

Bath at 8, bedtime at 8:30. After some snuggling with me and his newly discovered stuffed elephant (which I bought when I first found out I was pregnant with him), he was asleep by 9.

Mother’s Day was the kind of day my soul craved and exactly what I needed after two challenging days full of toddler tantrums. I am so grateful for having had such a peaceful, relaxing day with Jax. It was my best Mother’s Day yet.

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

It’s an extra special Mother’s Day for me this year because I’m part of something very meaningful to me and many others–the fifth annual Mother’s Day Rally for Moms’ Mental Health, hosted by Postpartum Progress–the world’s most widely read blog on postpartum depression (PPD) and all other mental illnesses related to pregnancy and childbirth.

The Rally is a 24-hour event that features 24 letters (one posted each hour) from survivors of PPD, postpartum anxiety (PPA), postpartum OCD, depression after weaning and/or postpartum psychosis. Their purpose is to inform and encourage pregnant and new moms who may be struggling with their emotional health. In Katherine Stone’s (of Postpartum Progress) words, the rally is a “massive dose of love, understanding and wisdom from lots of moms who’ve had postpartum depression and anxiety and the like.”

You’ll find me over there tonight. My post goes live at 8:00 pm (Eastern). It’s a post I wrote last year, but did not publish here, about my personal experience with PPD and PPA after Jax was born. It was difficult to write and required courage and strength to share. This holds true for the other 23 letters, too, so your support and words of encouragement over at Postpartum Progress are greatly appreciated.

If you’re active on Twitter, you can join the conversation by following and using the hashtag for the rally, which is #momsdayrally.

Here is the posting schedule:
Midnight – Welcome message and Sarah Pinnix, Real Life
1am – Lauren Hale, My Postpartum Voice
2am – Miranda Wicker, Not Super Just Mom
3am – Ana Clare Rouds
4am – Arja Lytle, Balance Body & Soul
5am – Yael Saar, PPD to Joy
6am – Cristi Comes, Motherhood Unadorned
7am – Robin Farr, Farewell Stranger
8am – Jen Hajer, The Martha Project
9am – Lori Bollinger, I Can Grow People
10am – JD Bailey, Honest Mom
11am – Abby Berner
noon – Andrea Scher, Superhero Life
1pm – Lori Garcia, Mommyfriend
2pm – Jane Roper, JaneRoper.com
3pm – Katie L., Overflowing Brain
4pm – Jenna Rosener, Blogged Bliss
5pm – Ninotchka Beavers, Twice Blessed
6pm – Alison Parson, Ms. Moody Mommy
7pm – Jessica Cohen, Found the Marbles
8pm – ME! :)
9pm – Kristen Chase, Motherhood Uncensored
10pm – Amber Koter-Puline, Beyond Postpartum
11pm – Jennifer Marshall, Bipolar Mom Life
I am deeply honored to be included in this event and look forward to reading every letter. May is Maternal Mental Health Month, and I can’t think of a better way to spread awareness than this rally. Click the image below to join us!
Mother's Day Rally

I cry often. Sometimes this makes the people in my life very uncomfortable. It can make them a little judgy, too. There is such a stigma about crying–have you ever heard anyone say that crying means you’re weak, that it isn’t good to show emotion, not to ever let them see you vulnerable, and so on? I have, too many times to count.

I’ve also been called a “sissy” because I am quick to cry and have been told countless times by countless people that I need to “toughen up.”

What those people don’t get is that for some of us, crying is a way to release tension. Nothing more. It doesn’t mean I’m depressed or that I am not “tough” (whatever that actually means). It means I am releasing stress and tension in a way that feels good to me–and this is a positive thing! Physiologically speaking, tears activate parasympathetic activity, which helps relieve stress and ease distress.

Crying activates both the arousing sympathetic nervous system and the sedating parasympathetic nervous system. However, the latter is activated for a longer period, which no doubt explains why people tend to remember crying as a calming and cathartic experience. (Source)

Yes, crying around others does make me vulnerable, but I feel this vulnerability is usually a positive thing, with positive results (if you do it around the right person/people). I’ve strengthened relationships as a result of allowing myself to be vulnerable in front of others. Sure, I’ve also damaged relationships by wearing my heart on my sleeve, by not containing my emotions–but how solid were those relationships in the first place if they’re so easily strained?! I’ve found that crying has sometimes led to increased connection. I betcha Brene Brown would agree with me on this one.

I spent a little time this morning reading about the myriad benefits of crying. Did you know there are 3 types of tears: basal, reflex, and emotional?

[Emotional] tears may have a number of social functions, in particular (1) communicating our emotions while emphasizing their depth and sincerity, (2) attracting attention, sympathy, and help at a time of danger, distress, or need, and (3) serving as a signal of appeasement, dependency, or attachment (for example, by blurring our vision and handicapping our aggressive and defensive actions). (Source)

In addition to all the social benefits of crying, there have been many studies stating the health benefits of emotional crying. For example, the chemicals that build up in your body as a result of stress are released through your tears.

Biochemist and “tear expert” Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying. (Source)

If you’re someone who feels uncomfortable seeing others cry, please ask yourself why this is. Please try not to pass judgment on the crying individual or see their crying as weak or merely an attempt to garner attention. Please read this article.

Bottom line: It is healthy, not weak, to cry.

 the_cure_for_anything_is_salt_water

Joy comes to us in moments—ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.” ~Brene Brown

I have missed many ordinary moments lately because I’ve been too distracted to notice them. The past few weeks have been busy, complete with travel, car shopping, a holiday, and more!

As a result of this current burst of busyness, there has been a paucity of ordinary moments such as these: Overhearing Jackson’s imaginative stories as he plays by himself. His singing in the bathtub, making up silly lyrics. Telling someone something personal and hearing them say, “Me too.” Bubble baths with a book and a glass of wine. A fuzzy pair of slippers and jammies thrown on immediately after dinner. Singing along to the radio on the drive home.

I’m craving a night at home to simply do laundry (wait, did I just say that I want to do laundry?!) and play cars on the floor with Jax while sipping a glass of wine in my pajamas. Tonight, I hope, will be that night.

What are some of your favorite ordinary moments?

 

Hershey's KissesEarlier today, I drafted a much different version of this “I’m Doing It Right” post. It began with a long paragraph about how I’m in a funk and haven’t done a darn thing right lately–and how it seems people are so quick to point out my mistakes (I admit, I am probably just perceiving it that way). I launched into a second paragraph about the specific issues weighing heavily on my mind.

And then I deleted all of it.

I logged into Facebook for a quick break from these heavy thoughts, and I saw a post in the Mama’s Comfort Camp group to which I belong that sparked a thought that changed my day. My friend and fellow Den Mother, Andrea, asked our 700+ members this:

What’s ONE positive thing you’re going to do for yourself this week?”

My response?

How sad is it that I can’t think of a single thing?! This means I am in serious need of self-care, stat! Thanks for this prompt, Andrea!”

And then I ate a Hershey’s Kiss. It was delicious. So I ate a second one.

And I don’t even feel guilty about it at all because I just got back from a brisk 25-minute lunchtime walk.

So that’s what I’m doing right today & something positive I’m doing for myself!

Indulging in a piece of chocolate is an easy way to practice mindfulness. As I sucked on the chocolate, I tried to think about the sensations I was experiencing–the flavor, the texture, the way my mood was lifting…

This is actually a DBT distress tolerance skill my therapist has taught me. I self-soothed with 2 pieces of chocolate. I paused and focused on how good it made me feel. Reminding myself to be mindful and then actually doing it is another thing I’m doing right.

So, ha! Take that, stupid brain!



photo by: Smabs Sputzer