Bus Stop Early MorningIt’s been gray here for a week, at least. I’ve lost count of the cold, dreary days. I’m trying to use the SAD lamp my parents bought me for Christmas; most days I can squeeze in 15-30 minutes, but not today–and it shows! Today, I feel like it’s never going to be sunny and warm again. I also feel like a shell of myself. Where has my usual confidence disappeared to? I’m writing this post at the beginning of my lunch break after half a day of feeling incompetent and, frankly, kind of dumb. Like everyone else around me is so much smarter than I am, and soon they’ll figure that out.

I guess it could be a case of overload. I am struggling to keep up with all the new things I’m learning at work. I need a few extra hours in the day–every day–to process and organize all this information, as well as all my innovative ideas and suggestions, at my own pace. I do things quickly, to cross them off my list. I’d like to spend more time thinking about the process, making sure I fully understand it. But it doesn’t feel like I have that luxury right now because there is simply too much to be done.

Social media overload is getting me down, too. I’m not one to compare myself to others, usually–I know better and can curb that temptation pretty well; yet this week, when I log into Facebook, I find myself wondering why certain individuals get a whole lot of attention, support, and love and I don’t. (But really, I do! It just isn’t displayed on Facebook!) I feel left out on Twitter because I haven’t had the time to keep up with things there. I missed a G+ chat with my best bloggy friends earlier this week, and I’m still sad about it.

Most days, all of this is a non-issue for me. There’s just something about this week…

It’s gotta be that it hasn’t been sunny here in so long.

Or that last week, I felt like I was on top of the world, with lots of positive feedback and good news, new goals, and socializing. The blog hop was so well-received, which was a surprise and a nice start to the week. Blogging in general was fantastic for the first 2 weeks of 2013, with a few opportunities to make some bucks and a bunch of new subscribers (who will probably unsubscribe after this miserable post!). Last week still had that new year feel to it. I started running. I had some fun nights with friends. But now it’s just boring old mid-January. Blah.

It’s apparent to me that the best place for me to be today isn’t online, but rather in my own head. Days like today, if we use them correctly, help us to re-evaluate where we devote our energy–are we spending too much time online instead of with the people close to us (at least physically)? Are we comparing ourselves to others too much? How can that be changed? What are the other changes we want to make? In my work life, I want to declutter my desk, organize my notes for the new tasks I’ve learned in the past year, and practice skills that I’m not confident about just yet. These are the things I need to find time to do so I feel generally better.

After I finish this work day and the tasks I perform each night at home (dinner, cleaning up, bathing Jax, etc), I’m promising myself a half hour to sit quietly and think about my goals for the next few weeks. Not for the year, as that feels too overwhelming right now. Maybe I’ll write a short list–because I can’t deny my list-making tendencies–of the things bugging me and brainstorm what to do about them.

And then I’ll make a list of the things I am happy about and grateful for, just to balance things out. Topping that list, for sure, are my friends and family. I’m very lucky in that department. In all departments, really.

See? It’s already working. Things are looking up! I just needed to write, stream-of-consciousness style, to remind myself that life is really good, despite the lack of sunshine.

It feels appropriate now to bust out into a rendition of this:

Did you laugh? Me too. Thanks for reading.

 

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photo by: h.koppdelaney

4 Comments

  1. I’ve been feeling the same way, so thanks for writing this. You’re not alone and I hope this passes sooner than you think!

  2. twitter_jenrenpody

    Jaime, I am sending you so much love. I missed you on the G+ chat. I am taking a day off tomorrow to focus on what I need to do and prioritze those tasks. We finally have a day of sun, and my mood is improving. As someone who played the role of Annie, I have been known to break out in a rendition of Tomorrow. Maybe on the next G+ hangout?

  3. Mid January is the WORST!
    Colleen @ Mommy Panda recently posted..The Munchkin’s First Trip to the Dentist

  4. I consider myself relatively intelligent and successful. HOWEVER, I too have moments of OH My GOD, I am such a fraud. I can’t do this and soon they will all see it. Then it passes, my heartbeat slows down and I move on. Normally it takes me a few deep breaths then I focus, tackle one task to the best of my ability, breath again and hit the next one. I think it is healthy to knock yourself off the pedestal once in a while. How else would we stand grounded?

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