If I could change one thing about myself, it would be this: I wish I were satisfied. I’m one of those people–those possibly very annoying, sad people–who are never happy with anything. I feel like everything and everyone can be better. Some would call that pessimism or negativity. And they may be right! I’m not the most optimistic person on the planet, that’s for sure.
But sometimes I wonder if instead of labeling myself that way I should instead consider my lack of satisfaction as a beneficial quality. I am afraid to be stagnant, to stop growing as a person, to stop changing. I am of the mindset that it is good to be ever-evolving. I look up to those who seek–and cause–positive change in their lives. I am continuously on the lookout for growth–ways to improve myself, to improve you, and to improve the world around us. Again, some may find that annoying. But I think it’s important. I just don’t want to settle,and I don’t want you to settle either!
Yet with all that said, getting back to my initial sentence above about wishing I were more satisfied, it’s still somehow true. I think there must be a balance between being satisfied and being open to change. Scratch that–to creating change.
I never want to be complacent. Yet it’s all I want, at the same time. How do I work out a balance there?
I get so damn tired of feeling like things aren’t good enough or that I (or my relationships or my job or my car or whatever) could be much better. It makes me feel helpless and hopeless, and that’s no good. Shouldn’t I feel empowered to create change instead, to do something to make things better?
Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life thinking about change but never creating it?
Can you relate to this, or am I a total freak?
You’re not a freak! I can totally relate. I’m still not sure where to go from there, though. I know I’m making changes where and when I can. But being satisfied when I can’t change ALL THE THINGS RIGHT NOW? So much harder. Often it means I just don’t start at all, because it’s too hard to know where to start. Or if I can’t guarantee I’ll finish what I start, well, that will stop me from starting, too.
I used to be proud of my ability to finish what I start, so… yeah.
But you know what? You’re already creating change. You are. Maybe it’s smaller change that you’re dreaming about, but it’s change. I’m not going to tell you to be satisfied with that (but if you figure out how, let me know!
Margaret (@mammacockatoo) recently posted..Two steps forward, one step… sideways?
I know what you mean, Margaret–sometimes I, too, become paralyzed with inaction because my list is too long! Thanks for your comments!
Oops, hit publish before I could get rid of the open parenthesis. So now it really does look like I don’t finish what I start!
Margaret (@mammacockatoo) recently posted..Two steps forward, one step… sideways?
I struggle with feeling satisfied as well. My husband asked me about that once. Why can’t I just be content? I do not know that it is in my nature. I always want to grow, but I can appreciate what I have in the moment. The #listof3 on Twitter in the morning has really helped me appreciate and remember my blessings.
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I love that #listof3 hashtag. I just wish I remembered to use it more often! However, I’ve started (again) using my Gratitude app and find that helps me.
You are not alone, and you are not a freak! I will never forget reading a book on this very thing – the inability to be contented and satisfied, and one of my co-workers telling me that it was “the saddest thing she had ever heard.” *eye roll* I (so like me) got super defensive and told her that “continuous self improvement isn’t sad, you should try it, you know, improvement.” whoops. Not my nicest moment.
Sigh, really though, I get what you are saying, and I get the desire to be not complacent, but content. I think this is where comparison can be really valuable. Not comparision to other individuals (where folks like you and me never measure up) but comparision to the rest of the world – literacy, poverty, living conditions, etc. I know that has helped me with perspective. :)
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Ugh, I just noticed another typo in my first comment! “smaller change THAT you’re dreaming about” should be “smaller change THAN you’re dreaming about”. I really should stop trying to comment from my phone. Sorry!
Margaret (@mammacockatoo) recently posted..Two steps forward, one step… sideways?
I can relate in a way, although I’m working on it. I tend to freeze up when I feel overwhelmed – I recently realized (big epiphany, seriously) that not only do I not have the lifestyle I want, I am also not working towards it at all. Whether it’s making my apartment more beautiful, entertaining more, making more money… I’m not satisfied, but not making any real steps either. I’m determined to change that!
Overall, I think that we should strive to be satisfied with our relationships and what we have, but also strive for growth. It’s like changing your body – At least for me, I am more likely to work out if I view my body positively. I have to view it as trying to IMPROVE, not trying to FIX. And there is a big difference. You can always make improvements, on anything, but you should also find a way to love it throughout that process. Does that make sense?
I think that your saving grace can also be your kryptonite, as seems to be the case with you. Maybe make a list of the things that really bother you (specific relationship issues) and also a list of things you appreciate (the dependability of your car)?
Do you read/follow GalaDarling.com? She has posted some really great stuff lately, including a post on goals that I found really inspiring.
Janine (Alternative Housewife) recently posted..Better than thrifting – Family heirlooms
I feel this way all the time. I look around my house, for example, and see all the things that need improving instead of being happy with (and enjoying) my beautiful home. I spend a meal thinking about what the chili is missing. And I consider myself a pretty optimistic person…so I suppose that might help. It’s not you. I think everyone wants more – it’s human nature. I try to think of it as setting goals & allowing my desire for better/more to drive me. If it’s halted me to a dead stop, then it’s no longer productive and I try to be happy with the way things are. Easier said than done.
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