It’s been a pretty rough week in our house. Ever since my getaway to The Big Apple (Do people still call it that, or am I showing my nerdiness?), Jax has made me pay for it by refusing to take baths at night (these were our favorite part of the day for as long as I can remember), refusing to get dressed, not eating well (as if he ever really ate well, but now he eats less well), fighting teeth-brushing, not sleeping great, nursing around the clock (especially at night), and being generally ridiculously clingy (to mom-mom [me] only). Yesterday on the boardwalk, he had a tantrum after we said we had to go home. I’m talking a full-on sit-in-the-middle-of-the-boardwalk kind of tantrum that made passersby laugh. It actually made his daddy & me laugh a little, too, although we tried not to show him.
In typical mommy fashion, I googled tantrums with the desperate hope of helping my previously happy boy find his way back to good before I leave for New Orleans this weekend. There seems to be two types of tantrums: manipulative and frustration. Frustration tantrums, which seem to be the kind we’re dealing with now, come from a toddler’s inability to communicate what he’d like to do—he can’t express his desire verbally just yet, so he throws a tantrum. Frustration tantrums, according to Dr. Sears, require parental empathy. This can come in the form of a simple “It’s OK, I understand.” Dr. Sears says:
Sit down with him at eye level and caringly say, “Tell mommy what you want.” That encourages him to use words or body language to communicate his feelings and needs so that he doesn’t have to act them out in displays of anger…. Once your toddler develops the language skills to express her needs in words, you’ll be able to close the book on the tantrum stage. This usually happens between two and two- and-a-half-years-of-age, depending on your child’s language development.
Jax will be two in August. Momma is gonna celebrate the beginning of the end of the tantrum stage. And until then? There will be wine.
I should start looking at this as an exercise in helping me develop better patience. Anyone who knows me knows how impatient I am. I thought having a child would help with that struggle. Not so much. But maybe I’ll come out of this stage with a little more patience. Probably a few additional gray hairs, too.
If you’re the parent of a toddler, what has your experience been regarding tantrums and clinginess? Send some tips this way!!!
And if you have no tips, I’ll take wine.
Here are some tips you might appreciate if you’re dealing with toddler tantrums: Preventing Tantrums & Helping Toddlers Handle Tantrums
Yes tantrums are ANNOYING…and loud. I wish they stopped at 2 or 2 1/2. Some how my 6 year old thinks its acceptable to throw them occasionally too. LOL.
Seriously though I am interested in the manipulative ones though because I would think that is what my very verbal almost 2 1/2 year old is up to. We still get them constantly. It’s very dramatic…and kinda funny. But again loud and Loooooong winded. heh.
zenaliciousmom recently posted..It’s a Happy Monday- I’m Published!
You have a low-key kid like we do, so I know the tantrum thing can be odd to deal with. Just unlike his usual personality!
Our kiddo’s first tantrums were definitely frustration at not having enough words in his vocabulary to express what he was feeling. Dr. Sears is right. Get to eye level, speak as soothingly as you can, and ask him to try to use his words. That won’t really work until his vocabulary grows, but he might appreciate the gesture. At that age, distraction works better sometimes. Just removing him from the situation, though that’s not always convenient!
Now when we have tantrums, it usually means something else is going on. So I have to remember to step back and think about it. Is he crazy tired or hungry? Is a new tooth coming in?
I think a tantrum at a trip to the shore is totally normal. It was probably a big and tiring day!
My son started throwing tantrums recently too. He turned 2 in March. Sadly, I find myself giving in to him to stop the screaming and I know that’s not the right way to do it. I try to figure out what he wants and if it’s something he can’t have, I sit him in his timeout spot and let him cry it out. I try to ignore him and go about my business because he tends to calm down quicker when the attention isn’t there. I’ve yet to experience a tantrum in public so I’m not sure what I will do at that point. I agree though, wine, lots of wine.
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I am so not looking forward to this. I already find myself saying to Baby Girl, “why can’t you just TALK?” when she throws a fit (which is more and more often). It’s always good and bad when you hear that something (like the ABSOLUTELY WICKED separation anxiety we are dealing with now) is “just a phase” and “completely normal.” Translation? “Deal with it.”
Great.
Call me crazy, but I’m CONVINCED I remember frustration tantrums. I feel like I remember multiple situations in which I wanted something, but had difficulty vocalizing it or was otherwise unable to, so I either would give it up if it wasn’t a big deal (to me, anyway) or have a cow.
I know, I know, you can’t develop memory that early. But I swear I remember what this feels like to a toddler!
It sucks, but your advice was awesome. Making an effort to understand what s/he wants is great because it makes the little one feel like even if s/he can’t be understood, at least s/he’s being listened to. And that’s just what kiddies need!
Darcie, you seem to have tons of early childhood memories! I can barely remember yesterday. You certainly didn’t inherit our mother’s memory like I did. Lucky you!